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 Post subject: The Angry Little Zoanthrope (a battle report story book)
PostPosted: Tue Feb 21, 2012 11:06 pm 
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Great Devourer
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Location: Canberra, Australia
(To be read out loud in a comforting and expressive voice.)

Once upon a time in a segmentum far, far away a happy little hive fleet was squabbling with some nasty orks who where denying them the biomass they so richly deserved. Their first encounter had gone poorly for the happy little hive fleet and once they replaced their losses they gathered on the rolling green hills to oust the nasty orks.

The orks lined up all their 3 wartrukks and looted wagon on the tyranid left flank and 2 large mobs of twenty seven boys and a battery of 3 lobbas with extra crew on the right ready to grab their Capture and Control objective. (Which was likely a sack of puppies knowing how evil-minded orks are.) And here's a picture:
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The happy little hive fleet deployed their brave hive guard, a brood of three angry zoanthropes and a trevigon to protect the digestion pool from ork defilement. And the brave hive tyrant with his 3 tyrant guard friends, the other brood of three angry zoanthropes, a dozen dangerous devilgaunts and a brood of sneaky genestealers deployed to the right to rescue the scared little puppies for the evil orks. And the other brood of sneaky genestealers outflanked the lazy orks. And here's a picture:
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Then the angry zoanthropes all thought angry thoughts and seized the initiative from the stumble-footed orks. Hooray for the hive fleet!

Turn 1
Since the happy little hive fleet had deployed thinking they would move second they were caught by surprise by their sudden first turn. The brave hive guard lobbed shots into the warbosses looted wagon and stripped off its weapons and immobilised it. The angry zoanthropes were cautious not to get within charge range of the orks trukker boys (just because they were angry didn't make them silly) and the hive tyrant and zoanthropes took pot shots at the nearest ork mob. But the cowardly orks hid behind cover and avoided the worst of the damage.
The trevigon had spawned 7 cute little termagants to aide the hive fleet. But that was the only brood she was able to spawn and the hive mind would be very cross with her for leaving her IUD in.

The orks roared forward in their poorly built trukks, leaving their warboss behind to give his grot riggers a chance to fix his wagon. The rest of the boys moved through the buildings and ruins to get nearer their objective. Then the lobbas and big shootas killed four of the sneaky genestealers who were cleverly hiding in cover and bravely drawing fire off the devilgaunts. The warboss sighed as his runts failed to fix his favourite green wagon.

Turn 2 Page 2
The newly spawned termagants bravely moved to protect their mother by choking the gap in the impassable terrain with their bodies. And the proud hive tyrant moved forward a little (rolling three 1's for his difficult terrain test). Then the angry zoanthropes thought their angry thoughts and two of the ork trukks were lanced easily. One trukk shot off all the way back to the ork long table edge before exploding and killing 4 of the orks it carried. Silly ork vehicles! The other trukk fell to pieces where it was spilling the orks out in front of the tyrant.
The brave hiveguard failed to seriously harm the last wartukk, only shaking it. But the hive tyrant thought his angry thoughts and the orks began to dance the paroxysm dance. He then shot them with the barbed strangler to add to the fun.

Then the proud hive tyrant and sneaky genestealers charged into the menacing orks and tore them to bright red chucks. The sneaky genestealers consolidated back into the bottom floor of the building (to protect the devilgaunts). The hive tyrant seemed to forget that he had evolved an armoured carapace and the orks had no weapons capable of penetrating his chitin and so took cover behind the wreck. And here's a picture:
Image
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The orks had little response to this. The trukkers who had driven the wrong way ran back toward the fight. The rest of the boys shoot their shootas at the hive tyrant to no effect at all. The lobbas only managed to hurt a single devilgaunt and the grot riggers fixed the looted wagon. More dangerously the ork 'eavy armoured boys shot the brave little termagants, but the clever little termagants caught the bullets in the rear-most girls so that they still blocked the pass. The weirdboy cast a spell that gave his boys +1 attack for the next game turn. And here's a picture:
Image
[Open in new window]


The brave little termagants scratched and bit for all they were worth but not an ork fell. The orks butchered the new born termagants with all the evil in their hearts. The angry zoanthropes saw this and just got angrier.

Page 3 Turn 3
The sneaky outflanking genestealers came out of the forest next to the lobba battery and the proud hive tyrant and surviving genestealer made a dash at the biggest ork mob.
The angry zoanthropes thought their angry thoughts and warpblasted the close packed 'eavy boys whose 'eavy armour helped them not at all. Such was the righteous slaughter that the nearest zoanthrope brood was deprived of their main target and so thought their thoughts and lanced the wartukk into a hundred flaming pieces. Then the proud hive tyrant realised he would never be able to assault the orks soon (because he fluffed his move through cover rolls again) and settled for thinking angry thoughts and making the orks dance the paroxysm dance and tickled them with the stranglethorn cannon.

Then the sneaky genestealers gulped down the grot crew of the lobbas in big gulps and settled for tearing apart the runtherd (since he was too big to swallow whole!). Then they consolidated toward the ork objective.

The panicked orks shot at the hive tyrant as if their lives depended on it. And since they were such bad shots the paroxysm dance hardly made any difference! But they only managed to wound one of the tyrant's tyrant guard friends.

Page 4 Turn 4
The hive guard failed to stop the looted wagon (boo!) despite hitting it thrice. The angry zoanthropes thought their angry thoughts and began thinning the numbers of the further ork big mob. The hive tyrant and both broods of genestealers assaulted the nearest ork mob and even thought the orks stuck first, in a display of skill and speed they killed over 20 evil orks for the sad loss of only 2 brave sneaky genestealers. The terrified orks ran in panic and their nob clubbed one to death for his cowardice, but he orks ran way anyway.

With nothing else to do the devilgaunts just watched. And here's a picture:
Image
[Open in new window]


The surviving orks on foot moved toward their objective hoping to contest it and shot as many genestealers as they were able. Fortunately for the hive fleet few were seriously hurt. Only 4 from one brood and 2 more from another laid down for a bit of a rest. The looted wagon drove forward as fast as it could and the warboss and his nobs disembarked.

Page 5 Turn 5
With no targets the devilgaunts ran down the building and fleeted toward the digestion pool. The angry zoanthropes also knew the warboss was the only target left that mattered and floated toward him as fast as their angry little minds could float them. The hive guard embarrassed themselves by only wounding one of the nobs. Over near the ork objective there was some more stranglethorn cannoning; dancing orks; fleeting genestealers; some fighting and then there were no more orks. (In the open the stranglethorn cannon was brutal.)

The ork warboss called a loud WAAAGH! as he thought with a good run he might be in charge range of the hive guard and would be in range to take or contest the tyranid objective. And he did get a good run! But the hive guard were clever enough to move back when the last could and the nobs were half and inch short! So their charge failed. Poor silly orks!

Page 6 Turn 6
The sun was setting but there was still enough light for fighting yet. Massed devourer fire cut down the last of the ork boys who had run all the way from their table edge for nothing. Then the trevigon shot its stinger salvo at the nobs wounding a couple. The tyrant thought this was good fun and wounded a few more with his stranglethorn cannon. The hive guard were still laughing so hard they did no damage. Then all six angry zoanthropes thought their angry thoughts and all the nobs and the warboss fell down dead. Hooray for the hive fleet!

With no more orks the puppies (presumably) were rescued, the orks were gone and their world was fed to the hungry hungry hive ships. And they all lived happily ever after.


The End

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"I know you may find the Tyranids physically repellent to look at but believe you me, you don't want to let them out of your sight." Hojan Storall Technomagos of the Adeptus Mechanicus

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 Post subject: Re: The angy little zoanthropes.
PostPosted: Wed Feb 22, 2012 1:07 am 
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Hormagaunt

Joined: Thu Jan 19, 2012 12:01 am
Posts: 209
Location: Bowling Green, Kentucky, United States of America
Best...story...ever.

Save the puppies. We need them for biomass. They are probably good for a ripper or two.

On Topic: Good game though. It seems that the angry zoans were pwning.

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Last edited by Torrisbullba on Wed Feb 22, 2012 12:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: The Angry Little Zoanthrope (a battle report story book)
PostPosted: Wed Feb 22, 2012 4:30 am 
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Mawloc Prime
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Location: Western Massachusetts, New England, USA
It walks the line between cute silly voice and sadistic sarcasm to the nth degree. either way, i like it.


"Silly old orks." - Christopher Robin

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 Post subject: Re: The Angry Little Zoanthrope (a battle report story book)
PostPosted: Wed Feb 22, 2012 12:52 pm 
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Big One
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Location: Salt Lake City, Utah
Well played, and well written. Here's hoping it becomes a series. I can't wait to read "Curious George and the Bubbling Digestion Pools".

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 Post subject: Re: The Angry Little Zoanthrope (a battle report story book)
PostPosted: Thu Feb 23, 2012 5:24 pm 
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Harpy
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Location: San Diego, California, USA
I bow before you!
Batrep as Children's Story is one I hadn't thought of. Waiting for the spaghetti western, film noire, and murder mystery...

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 Post subject: Re: The Angry Little Zoanthrope (a battle report story book)
PostPosted: Thu Feb 23, 2012 6:31 pm 
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Biotitan
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Location: Los Angeles
Nicely done, sir! And congrats on the win. :D


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 Post subject: Re: The Angry Little Zoanthrope (a battle report story book)
PostPosted: Sun Feb 26, 2012 3:19 am 
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Great Devourer
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Location: Canberra, Australia
@ Tropic and Eidre - I'm enjoying your battle reports too, but I'm about 9 months late on most of them so I'm not leaving any comments. (If I get behind on Warpshadow I leave the bat-reps to last as it is always the forum that needs the least admin intervention. :wink: )

That battle report was a hoot to write. And in some ways I had all the luck I needed. My hive guard did nothing useful after turn 1, but them immobilising the warbosses ride with the first shot of the game contributed heavily to my win. I couldn't be too upset with the trevigon for rolling double ones in her first spawning because all I needed in the end was one brood of termagants (lagely thanks to the hive guard delaying the nobs mob).

My zoanthropes were on fire though! Normally I fail a truly extraordinary number of psychic test for my zoanthropes. But this game I only failed one test, and their destructiveness was impressive. And at no stage did I get sick of saying "..well that is three hits on your wartrukk, now to roll for penetration - oh wait! I don't have to!" :lol:

I like your idea of a different theme for each report Eidre. I'll see what I can do with the next one.

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http://album.warpshadow.com/v/Yaleling/


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